Overcoming the circle of thoughts: Look up!

Where do I start.
Where do I start in this circle.
The circle of my thoughts.

There is no beginning and no end.

No beginning of distress,
No end of insecurity,
No beginning of self-pitty,
No end of pride,
No beginning of happiness,
No end of love,
No beginning of enthusiasm,
No end of denial.

It is a circle with highs and lows.
I watch the circle,
I see the circle spinning,
Sometimes slow, sometimes fast.

I want it to stop.
I want it to be silent.
I want to think straight.
I want to push and pull,
But the circle keeps me in the middle.

I’m afraid to move.
Afraid to push or pull.
I only dare to watch.
The circle pulls me and pushes me,
right in the circle, nowhere else.

I shout,
I pray,
I cry:
‘Stop! Stop spinning! Where must I go, what must I do!’

I become dizzy,
Nothing seems clear.
Everything is right,
Everything is true
Everything is scary
and everything is dangerous.

I want to run,
but there is nowhere to go.
I try to focus,
but I can’t.

Ruthless the circle keeps spinning.
I become dizzy and ill.
I can’t see anymore.
Everything becomes black.

Exhausted I fall down.
Carefully I open my eyes.
The circle is still spinning.
I can feel it,
but forced by the fall,
I can’t see it anymore.

I am looking up.
It seems dark and black.
But my eyes find rest in a small point of light.
Attracted by it’s comforting appearance, I keep looking at it.
The more I focus on it,
the more clearer it becomes.
The light becomes bigger.
The light appears to be two Words.
The Words become clearer:

Alpha and Omega: Beginning and the End.

I am smiling.
My body relaxes.
I’m still looking at the words.
The more relaxt I become,
The more focused I become.
The more closer I get to the words,
The more I smile.

I float,
I know.

Beneath me, the circle goes faster and faster.
The highs and lows are still there.
But I smile.
I’m in peace,
I can shine,
because He shines on me.

I am with the Beginning
And with the End.

Jesus Christ is with me.


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