It’s hard to find love with a broken heart

Isaac didn’t go out to choose his own woman.
After the death of his mother, the servant of Abraham (his father) was sent to find a woman for Isaac. What a complete different world that is… men… can you imagine someone getting your husband/wife for you?

Why Isaac didn’t went to get his woman, I don’t know.
Grieve maybe? The Bible does not say that.
I must admit, this story did not gave me much respect for Isaac.
I heard once he is seen as a image of the promised Son of God, Jesus.
But this promised son could not even conquer his own wife.
After that he even got blind and that way his own son could lie and steal the fatherly blessing of his brother.
There is also not much writing about how the relation was between Isaac and God.
In contrary to the specific conversations we can read between God and Abraham and Jacob. It just makes me wonder… who was Isaac?

I do believe he must has loved his mother very much.
Maybe he had a very loving character.
He also must have been a diehard thinker. Because while he was going out in the field to think (seriously, that’s quite funny) he met his wife. I mean do you see the romantic scene?
He’s out in the field… plucking some flowers… thinking… dreaming… mesmerizing. And then in a far distance he sees some camels, and on one of those is a woman. ‘Now hold up! Who is she? O, Eliezer, how you been? Who is that girl?’ … ‘O yeah she is your wife!’ ‘Say what?’ ‘Yeah she is your wife.’ ‘Oke…’.
And then only after the arrival of Rebecca, his wife, he found comfort over the loss of his mother. Now put that in a romantic movie!

I am not Isaac. Allthough I do recognize some overthinking habits.
But there is one thing I’m learning these days.
I cannot find a partner on my own or make other important decisions with a broken heart.
My heart has felt broken for many reasons.
I know God is recovering it.
But it takes time.
Learned patience in that the hard way.
The last few years I had made so many different (I guess wrong) decisions I got afraid to make decisions, which also ended up in a wrong decision.
I was running right, then went left, to come back right again. Shocked at what I saw left and hurt by what I experienced right and then taking all these bad experiences with me, which made it impossible to stay at the right side. Eventually I got tired and just stopped…
Litterarely… being at no side at all.

And here I am at this point in which I realize it’s hard to make a good decision when you have a broken heart. It is hard to dream with a broken heart. Hard to get or keep a job with broken heart. And then I got angry because I thought God was healing me.
But ofcourse it is not going fast enough on my terms. And now I am thinking: wait a minute, don’t we all have broken hearts? Could it maybe be that because of sin we all have broken hearts and God knows we need healing. Could it be He wants to give it on His terms.
Because just like father Abraham He has compassion for us? Love for us? Wanting the truly best for us? Could it be that father Abraham knew his son very very well? Did he had compassion with his pain?

Honestly… I never thought about it that way. Who knows. I do know God is loving. I know His love shows itself in practical and concrete deeds.

I also realize God brought Eve to Adam. And He brought Rebecca to Isaak by the hands of Eliezer. Would God maybe want to bring something to us? Help us to choose where it’s hard for us to choose because of pain, grieve or old wounds, or just because He knows best. Not to controle our lifes or to rob us from our freedom. But just because He really really knows us and loves us so intensely much.

What do you think? Your Eve or Rebecca doesn’t necessarily need to be a partner. It can be a ultimate dream, a job, a friend, a healed family, I don’t know. Name it. Say it out loud.
I believe He wants to comfort you and me the way He  knows it’s best for us.
Because let’s be real, He created us… He knows you… He is not out to rule over you or hurt you. He just wants to love you in the purest way possible. But He can only do that when we allow Him to. Meanwhile I am grateful to realize that writing this blog is kind of my Rebecca ;)! Hope you like her as much as I do!

Inspired by:
Genesis 24
Genesis 2:22
Romans 8:28